Seventeen Year-Olds
This has been a difficult last couple of days, and the number seventeen seems to the theme. First, seventeen year-old Steven Batt was killed in Owatonna on Tuesday. Then seventeen year-old Bubba Bye died on Wednesday. Even though I didn’t know either young man personally, I know people who have been touched by Bubba’s unexpected death.
This morning at 12:30 am, my daughter received a call from some teenaged friends who were in a car accident swerving to avoid a deer, not far from where Bubba’s accident occurred. We rushed there to see what we could do to help. While all three people were okay, the truck was crushed when it rolled and they all received some minor injuries.
I’m so thankful that they were okay, but I hope people, including my own children, learn to drive safely at ALL times.
Aaron Jacobson lost two friends when six people were killed in the Isanti accident back in April 2010. He was quoted as saying, “It only takes a millisecond for something to go wrong … You never know when something is going to go wrong driving a car. Stuff happens every day and its super unfortunate and it hurts down deep.”
One really sad part of this morning’s accident is that one of Bubba’s friends came over to stay the night with us for a reprieve from the sadness she had been feeling. I know that seeing the accident scene was very difficult for her.
Brianna
The irony of all of this for me is that today would have been the 17th birthday of my daughter Brianna, who died when she was nine years old back in 2002. She died in her sleep and not in an accident, but the emotions surrounding the events of her death, funeral and life afterwards remain very similar. The hours and days after her death are just a whirlwind in my mind. We had family and friends to help us with the funeral details, burial arrangements, food and cleaning, and emotional support. I received word of prayers being sent our way from around the country and even overseas. Friends helped care for my 8 other children so we could deal with everything we needed to. We had meals to eat for many days after the funeral. I found great comfort in the closeness of those around me and I was very grateful for their help and presence.
Time went on, and people went back to their own lives. The shock of her death dissipated and was replaced with deep sadness. The days went by very slowly. Then the anniversaries started. She died the day before Halloween, so Halloween is not my favorite holiday. The first Thanksgiving Day without her. First Christmas. First New Year’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Easter, Memorial Day, Fourth of July. Especially hard was her first birthday after her death. We started a tradition of going to the cemetery for cake and a party each year.
The most difficult first was the one year anniversary of her death, but I was so relieved that we were finally finished with those “Firsts.” Along the way I had many people send cards and emails letting me know that they remembered us and Brianna.
My Thoughts on How to Help Bubba’s Family and Others Who Suffer Loss
I have learned a lot about Zimmerman and the surrounding Sherburne Area in the two years I’ve lived here. I’ve met many wonderful residents, law enforcement and government officials, educators, business people, volunteer workers and religious leaders. People rally together in a crisis – they are willing to provide assistance. 
I’ve seen much unselfishness and charity. We see the newsworthy events that make the headlines and television broadcasts, but we don’t usually see the small things people do behind the scenes. However, I can attest that those things are much appreciated.
The Bye family, Bubba’s friends, teachers, coaches, and the community will say their goodbyes on Monday. But keep these people in your thoughts and prayers in the days, weeks, and months to come. Remember them on the special anniversaries and on just ordinary days.
Sometimes just a nod, a kind word, a pat on the back or comforting hug, can make all of the difference. Trust your feelings, your gut instincts. If one of Bubba’s loved ones comes to your mind out of the blue, give them a call and check on them. I believe that we receive divine guidance to direct us to others who may need our help.
Have you ever said, “Something told me to do that, but I didn’t listen?” Be sure to listen – don’t miss an opportunity to make a difference in someone’s life!
Today
I have every assurance that we will see Brianna again one day, and on special days like today, we are blessed to feel her near us. Yet two of my daughters still had tears in their eyes this evening as we remembered Brianna and celebrated her birthday with a cake together as a family.
I received a lovely email from one of my sisters today, letting me know that she was thinking of us. She does not know how much that means to me. The pain does lessen over time, but kind words from family and friends are very important to me, even eight years later.
Thank you so much to those who still remember our little Brianna – she is still an important part of our life!
